


everything is blue

by mermistia



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Color Blindness, Kissing, M/M, i don’t know what to tag this one jesus christ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 11:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20929289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermistia/pseuds/mermistia
Summary: River can’t see in colour; Ly changes that.





	everything is blue

**Author's Note:**

> literally couldn’t think of anything to tag this one im so fuckin TIRED

“I have something for you.”

River looks up, only half interested, taking a few stumbling steps back when Ly bounds over to him, pure excitement covering their face.

He supposes he has more than a little reason to be wary; Ly’s surprises generally range from good to almost terrifying, with very little in-between. 

“Uh- a good something, I hope?”

“An amazing something!” Ly waves their hands, fast and clumsy and hyper, bouncing a little when their screens appear in front of them. “Just give me a minute. Oh, and you might want to brace yourself.” One of their hands flies over the screen so fast it’s almost a blur, the other one hugging River tight around his waist. 

River squints, his hand reaching down to his waist to rest on top of Ly’s. “Brace myself for what?”

Ly’s eyes gleam. “_Colour._”

There’s a short pause, punctuated only by the sound of Ly tapping frantically on their screens before River pulls away from their hold in shock, blinking with an expression that shows an emotion that he doesn’t know how to describe the feeling of. “Lyceum,” he says, voice low, and swallows hard. “That isn’t- that isn’t funny.”

Ly freezes. “Uh- funny?”

“Please don’t lie to me.”

Ly’s hands slow to a stop, still touching the screen in front of them with one finger. They turn to look at River incredulously, eyes wide with something that River could almost call _fear,_ as they reach a hand out to hold his arm. “River, I’m not lying. Believe me.”

“You have to be lying. You _have_ to be, you can’t be telling the truth, that doesn’t make any _sense._” River can feel his breathing getting faster, his body shaking, his lip trembling, and he pulls further away from Lyceum in a series of quick shaky steps. He can’t see colour. He’s _never_ been able to see colour, everything has always been black and white and shades of grey, so lifeless and dull and full of nothingness. He’s made his peace with it, in a way. It’s part of being outdated. Part of being obsolete. He’s old, a faulty version of squips that never gained the capabilities of the new ones. 

He knows that Lyceum can see in colour. 

River’s found himself wondering what it’s like, more than once. 

He wonders what colour Ly’s hair is, their skin, their clothes, their eyes. One eye a darker shade of grey than the other. It’s a defect, River supposes, one that he can see even without colour in his vision, but he’s never brought it up with them. Ly’s never opened up about it, and River doesn’t want to push, especially when he can’t see the colours for what they really are. 

“You _have_ to be lying,” he says croakily, blinking back tears from his eyes. It’s impossible. He can’t see colour. He can’t have colour in his life. He can’t be that happy. 

A part of him screams that he doesn’t deserve it. 

“I’m not.” Ly’s voice is soft, and they reach out a gentle hand to take River’s fingertips in their own, the gesture small and simple and worth everything. “River, I promise you, I’m not lying. Look at me. I can help you. Do you believe me?”

River does. “I do.”

“Good.” Ly smiles, eyes crinkling at the sides, and River feels a rush of love run through him. “Stay still.”

There’s a short silence as Ly taps on the screens in front of them again, the only sound filling the room being the digital clicks as they type as fast as they can, still clinging onto River with one hand.

He might see colour. 

He might see colour. 

He might see colour. 

He might see Lyceum. Their eyes. Their smile. Everything. He might see Lyceum, _all_ of Lyceum, for real, for the first time. 

It’s scary. 

River’s never felt _fear_ before, at least not that he knows of. He isn’t even really sure exactly what it feels like, but he’s seen it in Lyceum’s eyes and on Jeremy’s face and in the souls of humans that he’s seen before, and he’s sure that it’s what’s settling into his nerves now, making his hands shake and his eyes blur. “Ly, are you really sure about this?”

“I’m positive,” Ly’s tongue is stuck out in concentration as they type, and River can’t help but smile a little at the sight. “This is going to work, River, I know it.”

“If you say so.” River takes a seat on the edge of Jeremy’s bed, leg bouncing as he stares ahead, his eyes flicking from the floor to Ly’s hands to the ceiling to the screens to Ly’s lips and back again, hand clenching and unclenching in perfect rhythm. 

Ly stops. The screens blink in front of them, lines of code racing and changing before they twist and turn and blink out of existence, replaced on the screen by a circular button that River sees in a light shade of grey. “Ready,” Ly says breathlessly, and turns to River with eyes that shine. “It’s ready. Are you?”

River swallows, stands, smiles. “I’m ready.”

“Good,” Ly says. They squeeze River’s hand tighter in their own, letting him lean against them as they push the button and the screen disappears.

Nothing happens. 

Until it does, and River screams. 

There’s a shooting pain in River’s head, flying through his code and tearing it apart, like everything he’s worked for, everything he knows, everything he _is_ is falling apart inside of him, until he feels Ly’s arms wrap tightly around him, their head on his shoulder and their soft words of comfort in his ears, and he slips sideways into them, murmuring a quiet apology when he sends them both crashing to the ground. He squeezes his eyes shut as he holds tight to Ly’s shoulders, hugging them closer and closer to him every second. There’s another sharp pang of pain in his head before it dies down, swirling and spiralling and disappearing until it’s almost completely gone, leaving just a dull ache in his mind. 

“River?” Ly’s voice is tentative, a little scared, and they hug River tighter, pressing their face into the crook of his neck. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” River says, coughing a little when the words stick in his throat, and he scrambles back with a gasp when he blinks his eyes open. 

Blue. 

There’s so much _blue,_ surrounding him and almost making him dizzy.

The walls of Jeremy’s room. 

Jeremy’s cardigan resting on the bed. 

The patterns on Ly’s clothes, covering their chest and arms. 

And _Ly,_ River realises, they’re beautiful, and he lets out another gasp when Ly sits up and their eyes meet his. 

Eyes. 

Brown. 

White. 

_Lyceum._

“I can see your eyes,” River whispers, and Ly lets out a breath. 

“You can?”

“I can see you.” River leans forward to link his fingers through Lyceum’s, pulling them closer to him. “I can _really_ see you.”

“You like it?”

River frowns, a little confused, until Ly uses their free hand to gesture nervously to their eyes, biting down hard on their lip. 

“I love it.”

“You like _me?_”

River tilts their head up, parting their lips with his own as he kisses them, holding the back of their neck with a gentle hand. “I love you,” he says when he pulls away, and he takes a second to take in every single part of them. His voice drops to a whisper as he leans in to press his forehead to theirs, keeping his eyes wide open, too scared of missing any part of Lyceum to close them. “I love you so much.”

Ly smiles. “I love you too.”

“Thank you.”

“For giving you colour?”

“For giving me you.”

**Author's Note:**

> river’s gay thank u and goodnight


End file.
